I swear I let myself down repeatedly when I say I'm going to do something and then never follow through with it. Well, I'm trying not to do so anymore. I'm going to write a story down that I've had in my head brewing now for maybe a year or so. When I don't have much to occupy myself I think about narrative details or plot points. It probably won't be the best thing ever written, and lord knows I need to do research, but I want to do this for myself. I want to set goals for getting chapters done, devote a day a week or an hour or two a day to start writing this. i need to get doing something. Now I need to find a site to post it at, I care not for Devaintart. Here's always an option but this is more of a (once in a while) update on my life. I'll figure something out I suppose.

Why can't I sleep continuously throughout the whole night, instead of waking up and sleeping in shifts. It's really starting to bug me and it didn't even start until a week or two ago. Ugh.

Don't miss me.

On one hand I completely support peoples' right to protest; be it via a collection of signatures (though that way is the easiest to dismiss) or in person outside of a building. I do, however, disagree with the "teabag" thing for tax season. Most people don't realize who is behind the organization or their purpose of protesting. They're just there because they don't want to pay taxes. Guess what? Everyone pays taxes. I'm glad I do and I'm happy that I do because if I did not then things would deteriorate. I vote yes on levy increases depending on what the schools need the money for and how much. I think it is crucial that we make improvements as they are needed; be that software upgrades or central heating and cooling- trust me when I say Parma Schools need new ones. Most are still using heaters from when the schools were built back in the 1960s. Only the school where the "rich kids" go to even have air conditioning.

Taxes are a neccissary evil. No one wants to pay them but if we did not there would be no advancements as a country. I'd rather pay over the course of a year than all at once. If we all paid all at once then people would owe the government a lot more money because I have seen the way most people "save" money. (They do not.) So yes, go ahead and protest. But find an original idea. The tea tax back in Boston was outrageous. But there are no taxes different this year than there were last year- or at least in such denominations that there is really even a need to protest.

                Families Across Sexual Boundaries
    
    As society progresses and technology has allowed it, more couples that were unable to bear children have been using alternative methods so they can start a family. In vetro fertilization, surrogacy, and artificial insemination to name a few, help people who  thought they would never be able to raise children of their own make that dream come to fruition. No longer are adoption and foster parenting the only methods. But with the number of gay and lesbian couples looking to start families on the rise, there has been some controversy surrounding whether the couples in question are fit to raise children and have their own family. But does sexual orientation have any significant changes on how the child grows up, how they interact with mental and social changes? Judging by evidence, not even marginally.
    When arguing against same-sex couples raising children, two main points come to mind.
    1. Having two parents of the same gender does not give a child the proper nurturing they need. This is far from true. People often associate one’s sex to how a social standpoint should see them but quite often this is not the case. Many  parents will “switch roles” from being the provider to the nurturer when one parent is making the sole income because one may have lost a job, or has an unsteady line of work, like commissions. In a traditional family sense, one or both parents will have an income and each help raise the children. This is not any different from a gay couple, in the sense that they each help nurture the child and raise it to become a functioning member of society. Moral standards are taught, and viewpoints on topics are discussed as the child grows older and more curious about topics like sex, gender identity, religion, etc. Studies show that children raised by same-sex households tend to have their children becoming “more nurturing and tolerant, and their children as being more tolerant, empathic, and less aggressive than children raised by non-gay parents.”1
    2. A same-sex household will try to raise their kids to be homosexuals as well. In a study between single heterosexual mothers and lesbian couples raising children, the study found that “although those from lesbian families were more likely to explore same-sex relationships, particularly if their childhood family environment was characterized by an openness and acceptance of lesbian and gay relationships, the large majority of children who grew up in lesbian families identified as heterosexual.”2 This simply states that although the idea of a same-sex relationship is more likely because it is not a repulsive idea to them, that most people choose their sexual preference regardless of parents.
    3. A child coming from a gay family will be harassed because of their parents sexual preference. This argument has a little more validity than the other two, and is actually a point many gay couples have to think over very carefully before choosing to adopt or bring a new life into this world. Though no different intellectually than a heterosexual couple, a persons’ private sexual life can leak into other parts of how they live, and cause shame or pride for anyone affiliated with that person. Sexuality, like religion, are big factors in a persons’ life, though both are private and should not make any impact on how others look at them. Nevertheless, harassment is a prime factor all parents have to worry about should their kid have anything different in their private life that varies from “the norm.” But as any parent knows, the options to keep a child from being harassed are limited. Changing schools, being involved in the PTA, making sure their child is aware of what is socially acceptable behavior from others and when to tell a teacher someone is making them uncomfortable are all examples of ways to combat harassment. However there will possibly always be some form of resistance against a person and family because of a part of their background, so it is best just to try and minimize the damage it does to ones’ pride.
    A legalized, gay marriage would “promote monogamy, commitment and social
stability between partners and any children as part of that union.”3 Simply stating, a gay couple would do nothing different than a heterosexual couple would want best for their child, and that the differences from an outer standpoint are less noticeable when lined up next to each other than when excluded and made into examples. Fear of the unknown is a big factor in peoples’ lack of understanding for a subject but were more people aware that the differences between a same-sex family and a heterosexual one were, for the most part, unnoticeable, than the concept and actual practice of more wouldn’t be so uncommon or taboo.







Works cited
Koepke, Leslie A. "A Call to Action: Five Policy Proposals on Behalf of All Families President's Address to the 2007 Groves Conference on Marriage and Family." Journal of Feminist Family Therapy 19.3 (Sep. 2007): 1-12. Academic Search Complete. EBSCO. [Library name], [City], [State abbreviation]. 23 Feb. 2009 http://proxy.ohiolink.edu:9099/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=28032564&site=ehost-live.

Golombok, Susan, and Fiona Tasker. "Do Parents Influence the Sexual Orientation of Their Children? Findings From a Longitudinal Study of Lesbian Families." OhioLINK Institution Selection. 23 Feb. 2009 http://journals.ohiolink.edu/ejc/pdf.cgi/Golombok_Susan.pdf?issn=00121649&issue=v32i0001&article=3_dpitsootc.

1. Page 4, paragraph 1 A Call to Action: Five Policy Proposals on Behalf of All Families– President’s Address to the 2007 Groves Conference on Marriage and Family, Koepke, Leslie A.

2. Page 1, paragraph 1 Do Parents Influence the Sexual Orientation of Their Children?
Findings From a Longitudinal Study of Lesbian Families, Golombok, Susan & Tasker, Fiona

3. Page 3, paragraph 2 A Call to Action: Five Policy Proposals on Behalf of All Families– President’s Address to the 2007 Groves Conference on Marriage and Family, Koepke, Leslie A.

Gonna have an entry in later tonight, a big one most likely. Here's hoping I remember to write it when I get home.

    I graduated last Saturday. I forgot to mention it, but I am now a high school alumnus. It's amazing how four years of the same school went by so quick. Now for fall classes at the local community college.

    I feel like I'm growing up too fast though. I feel, well, rushed. Since middle school I've always heard this line from teachers. "It's not going to be this easy when you get to <point in your life here.>" They did it again in High School, and now I'm nearly certain I'm going to hear it again in college. Real life doesn't just start. I've been living it.
    When my parents got divorced, was that just staged? No. When my dad lost the house, was that just a learning experience? I don't understand where some people come to terms with just because I'm learning doesn't mean I can't live for myself yet. I've wanted to live in my own apartment since I was sixteen. How many kids want to do that?
    But now it seems that I'm stuck in the undertoe from the current of my generation. All my friends already know what careers they want to pursue. I've got a friend that's already on his way to being a doctor. I'm just trying to hang out with friends before they move away to campus. When did life get so needlessly fast-paced? There's no time to enjoy it. Retirement, maybe. But that's not the next point in my life I want to look back and say "wow that was fun."
    I'm kind of torn myself, on what to do. I mean, career-wise. I've had some thoughts running through for awhile now I just haven't decided quite yet what to do. I could start a small business, but I think right now the market's working against me. I could try to be a writer, but reading accomplished author's works and then reading mine I feel like a talentless hack. I mean, my only finished anything was a 12-page short story I rushed for creative writing. The beginning was good but the end... I jumped over so many details, there's a lot of room for character development, and I have a problem with perspective sometimes. (I'm going to post the short story up here, once I get my journal back. My teacher had it and I had graduated, I had to ask a friend to get it for me.)
    And then the last possibility I'm seriously considering is being a teacher. I wouldn't have even thought about it, if not the biggest influence in my high school learning experience, the teacher I spent the most time learning from, had not wrote it down in my yearbook. "I think you should consider majoring in English and then maybe one day taking my spot in teaching." It was a sincere comment and it wasn't really that big a deal to anyone else, but it meant a lot to me. And the more I think about it the more I could see myself doing it. I think that people today aren't reading enough- I myself try to read quite often. I'll read based on whims, authors, requests, required readings... I'm still not very well-read but I'm getting there. And I want to spread the learning gained from books to other people. Good books take you places, and with the age of silicon people are forgetting that as they go more towards streaming videos and chats.
 

    I got contacts yesterday. And god is it nice to see without glasses. No glares, no limited vision... though poking my eyes for about two hours to try and get it down was a pain. Lost a contact last night, found it this morning, let it soak, couldn't put them in if I wanted to. I had to run to school. So when I came home that was my project, get them in. Got them in in like 15 minutes or so. Not bad, I think. Man learning new things is tough but oh so worth it.

 Home, on a Saturday night. Wishing i had something to do and somewhere to go. Instead I just stare at the same webpages over and over hitting refresh and hoping for something to happen.

    I have a problem when I take naps afterschool. For every hour, every minute that I'm asleep before bedtime, that's how long it'll take for me to fall asleep more when bedtime rolls around. So, naturally I was laying in bed last night, waiting for sleep to take me, alone with my thoughts. And finally, out of what appeared to be a train of thoughts going nowhere, I thought of the entire beginning and ending to my short story I have to do for creative writing class! Hooray! I like how it's forming, so I might post the whole thing here when I'm done. I'm writing it at school because I can't stay focused at home.
 

    It's always a little weird when I manage to not make anything, not a statement that I'm alive, not a miserable little post about how bad my day was, or anything for such a long time. I think there's a word for it somewhere. Apathy, mayhaps? Could very well possibly be.

I've spent the last, oh, few weeks reading books, getting projects done for various classes, trying to pass senior year on a note that isn't sour.  I've noticed, now, and I mean like just now, that I go in social cycles. Some months, I'll go out every day, every other day, or all weekend. Then, I'll hit a slump where I just sit at home and don't do anything except for maybe one day with one friend. It's... kinda odd.

I lost a friend. Well, more like I didn't do anything to save a friendship. I know I should be more concerned than I really am, but somehow the emotions just don't come. I mean, I sort of saw us distancing. We wouldn't talk much except when discussing doing a ritual with a mutual friend, and occasionally when I needed a car ride or they needed my gym key. And that got to be the extent of our conversations. And neither of us really put forth an effort to do more with each other. So, it kind of died. Though, in all honesty I think they went overboard. I would've just let the friendship die. There's no need to make it all official like, it's not some bad relationship. It's just something that didn't work out. It happens.

I'm having bouts of apathy in a lot of my life, though in all honesty. When it comes to my friends for the most part though, when they have  a problem, I'm always there to listen to them, give them any advice they might need- though I never claim to be an expert or the say all end all. Other than that, I sit around, surf the web, listen to music, play games and that's generally about it.

I need to get a job. Having money is something I think I probably need to do, what with wanting to go to college in the fall, and the want and furnishing of my own place, my own apartment. Possibly a car, and that'd require insurance and so on and so forth. Unemployment and my general procrastination and laziness are my greatest weaknesses. Though laziness is something I hope to improve it's not really something I can just do on my own. I work better when someone else is helping me live up to my potential. I mean, really sometimes I feel like I don't have to do anything, because I'm not living for any real reason. There's just, no motivation, no need to. Money is not my be all end all. Sure, I'd like nice things, but I've gone eighteen years without them. What's a difference between then and before, ya know?

Nothing else really on my mind, I guess. I always have alot to say but it never comes out in blogs. I'm just better at conversations.

 

Ever notice people really don't update their LJ unless they have important things to say or are having a bad day? Yeah, what's up with that.

This has been the conclusion of my spring break. As such, it's time to recap.

• I went from level 57 last week to level 65 Samurai this week. I also manage to get 4/6 Staging Points, G4, equipment I'll never be able to afford, and much more I can't remember.
• I cleaned my room! I folded all my pants, found more pairs of socks than I was aware owning, and now I can walk across my floor without needing a lifeboat.
• My mom bought a blender. I've never owned a blender. Needless to say, it has me in awe. I have made 4 smoothies so far, and two of those were in the middle of the night.
• I managed to be so lazy as to not shave all week. It looks ridiculous, but at the same time I want to keep it. It's like the Shaggy beard.
• I procrastinated 2 projects for school. Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

    There are as many ways to describe emotions in words, song and images as people can imagine. From the punctual words of an essay, novel, or how-to book, to the anecdotes and tragedies and comedies of film, to the deep and quite real feelings behind a song's lyrics and beat. Emotions are not just a word, defined by a dictionary.
    The unexpected speeding beat of a heart from a nervous teenager. The warm, familiar touch of a friend. The unexpected harshness of the truth. The unrelenting anger from a misunderstanding. Emotions are vast, and as wide as seas, and as shallow as a cut in a diamond. The shimmering truth may sometimes be uglier than the lackluster of the worst lie.
    Bad things happen to good people. Not always life-threatening, but things that they do not rightly deserve. When such a thing exists in the world, it gives people a moment of consideration. Is life right, treating the good and the virtuous, the most deserving of a happiness, such awful treatment? They pray to their gods, wishing for whatever wrongs they've committed unknowningly to be righted. And who can blame them? There's no way to change the past. The future is what lies ahead. But no one knows what it is until they've gotten there.
    Stressing about what has happened in the past gets no one anywhere. It causes unsightly drama, acne, and poor sleeping habits. Zen, though a great practice, may not be the best approach either, as it would imply one would just simply cease caring. Though in Chinese culture enlightenment is a revered aspect to those of a certain faith, for most enlightenment seems lack of motivation.
    Focusing on what is yet to come is no good either. That is just as bad as worrying about past mistakes. "Should have, have would have" becomes "should I, can I?" The best approach is to remember the past, but not hauntingly. To be aware of the future, but not let the outcomes blind the goal in mind. With those thoughts, mind over matter becomes a tangible thing.
    Mind over matter is the inspiration, the motivation that writes books that open minds, create speeches that influence nations, compose works of musical genius, define that radical thinking that becomes commonplace. It is the feeling some go their entire lives without feeling, because life is easy enough to get by without putting in too much effort, when need be.
    But that's not how most want to live their lives, in mediocrity. I am not among those who want to trudge on through life, a fish in a school. I do not necessarily want to lead the pack, nor stand out. What I want, is what most want. To find their niche in life. I think, I can find it, given time. Variables and obstacles and indecision cloud my better judgement, but less and less should I let the outcome affect me if it not negative. If it is beyond the norm, that is not wrong, just because I have never experienced it before. Life is only lived once, though twice by some. So I will speak my mind, provided I can find the words.
    I will do what I think is right, even if the resulting action may not be good for me.
    I will live life, knowing, without regret, that the right thing for me may not be the right thing for everyone, and that not all things will be tolerated by some. But if I can empathize, sympathize and downright love the people that matter to me, than so, too, can anyone. And so without worry I shall stand, but not without concern to the well-being of myself and others around me.
    Life's choices are not easy, and I will cross many roads that I can't turn around on. But there are still plenty I can, as there is always time to change the road I am on. The first step is being true to your own feelings. From there, whatever you feel is right.

Take it as you will.

    'kay so it's time for a quick update on what happened say, last week. I got sick last Tuesday, stayed home, went back to school on Wednesday (felt worse) and then on Thursday I had arguably one of the best days of my life. The occasional sniffles here and there, but for some reason nothing could put me down, and I loved it. I had a great time with friends, smiling and laughing. Beats me why. Friday was a usual Friday, spent in the midst of friends +1. Saturday we Caitlin, Katie and I went downtown to see Avenue Q at Playhouse Square. Very very good show, vulgar and such, but I expected that and it's half the reason I wanted to see it. We went to Tower City for lunch- but I lost my appetite. I have a fear of large crowds, it seems. I feel so small and unimportant when there's so many people doing so many things, it makes it seem like if I just disappeared no one would notice. So I didn't eat. Today I bought Final Fantasy 12, better late than never, I guess. Played some of that, went on the PC, watched AMV Hell 4 and now here I am. That's the quickie update, I had more to say but when it all comes down to it, until I can record my thoughts instantly it won't happen quite the way I'd like it to.

And now, say it like in "Jackie Chan Adventures". "BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAY!"

Ah... I feel better. Hope you do too.

       I woke up today (the day I'm supposed to return to school) and as I reach to shut off my alarm- my stomach goes "This one's gonna hurt" and my insides wretch and feel like they've been put in a putty stretcher. I put my phone on snooze so I could, maybe, make what I think is a muscle that needed to unwind, to find out, five minutes later that it is indeed sickness. (Yay. -.-) So I take a shower- still there. I get clothes on- still there. And, just as I'm about to go to school when I feel something coming. Naturally I run to the bathroom, but it was just something to say it's going to happen, but not when. So there I sat for the good part of an hour. I got to miss school, at the expense of being able to, ya know, move around for the better part of two hours.
    Yesterday my mom made potato soup. I didn't get to eat any, I was out with a friend. I wanted to make some today, so I put some in a bowl and heat it up for a minute or so. It wasn't completely warm, so I put it in for another 30 seconds. I'm catching up on some stuff on the internet when I realize that it's been close to three minutes. I go the the microwave and my soup's almost burning! What the hell happened? Gees, bad day.

To the makers of apartments: MAKE FLOORS THICKER.

    For about two to three months now, every day I've had to listen to the people upstairs walk like they're oversized oompa loompas ready to burst. For three months now I've listened to them hammer things into their wall. (I've never heard anyone have so many pictures before) For three months now, I've listened without consent of what they should be doing when no one else is around to hear. Living on the middle floor sucks. If I was on the bottom, at least then I could walk around louder. And at least if I was on the top floor, I could be satisfied that there's no one above me. This kinda sucks though. Those people are always making some kind of sound and it's driving me crazy... @.@
 

    So for those previously unawares, my computer's been having some major issues since the last week started. Every once and awhile, the mouse would freeze up. Then, it wouldn't work at all, and you'd have to restart the computer. As long as it was shut down improperly, the checking files thing at the beginning of a windows startup would fix that, so it'd work again. Now it's not giving me that option any more. So I had to pull out the mouse, and find one of my old USB laser mice. The reason I don't use them is because they've got problems. They're only ten dollars and one won't work because of faulty wiring, the other one (the one I'm working with at the moment) won't work if you move it too far at once, because of a wiring problem I'm guessing. So I have to leave it in one spot instead of holding it like I normally would a mouse.
    When I finally got a working (somewhat) mouse, I went to my username so I could log in and check my things... And the keyboard wasn't working. So I had to unplug that and bring in my USB keyboard from my room, so I could type in my password. So as far as it goes, I think it's time I got a new computer. This thing's original operating system was Windows 95, back in 97, then we upgraded it to XP recently, but it's still old. It's a 8 GB hard drive, most of that is the OS, everything else is fragmented files. Last week the hard drive went down to 0 MB free. I need a new computer. Badly.
    I was going to go on a choir trip for school this year, and my mom signed a fat 400 dollar check so I could. The trip got canceled. I asked my mom if we could use that money - because it was a graduation present from my grandma - to get a new laptop. Instead it went to bills. Fair enough. Though, I really wouldn't mind owning a laptop about now.

    A day well spent, today. I don't get much in terms of gifts, not when you live in an overprice apartment, have a single mother and such. I got some clothes, Monty Python and the Holy Grail on DVD, along with the Godfather collection. (Hadn't watched the Godfather before, just watched part one today, I like it.) Went to my aunt's house, ate ham, slept, came home played video games. The only thing I dislike about Christmas is the lack of being able to hang out with friends. It's usually only family.
 

    It's currently... 12:07 on December 25 in the AM. Looks like it's Christmas day. And I just spent the past... two hours, three hours? Reading a very interesting webcomic. It was called Nowhere Girl. It's pretty sweet, I recommend it. I've never seen conversations between people so smooth... so natural. It doesn't feel so much like you're reading the comic as you are looking into somebody's life. I think it's painted, but I could be wrong. It's only two chapters long, and currently on haitus for whoever knows how long, but it's still worth a read. (http://www.nowheregirl.com) It makes me... well, it makes me think. About what I have, what I don't have. It puts your life into perspective. I guess good things tend to, don't they? Most days I feel numb, like I just droll through the day, playing video games, et cetera. Yet today...
    Today's been a somewhat eventful day. I managed to get back in touch with Corey. It feels like I hadn't seen him in a year, though in reality it's been something closer to a month. He's so happy with his girlfriend, he's having so much fun. I think, and I hope I'm not ruining anything, that whole taboo in relationships thing, that he might marry this one. Not right away, maybe not at all, maybe they'd just end up living together. But they seem to do so well, and he's never been this happy, in any of his romantic exploits before. I can't say I've had the pleasure of meeting her but she sounds so lovely. It makes me a bit jealous, though. I wish I could find someone as easily as he does. It may not always end up an ideal relationship for him, but he's looking and someone dates him. That's more than I can say for me, though life does go on. Enough about my whining though.

    I want to write more. Plain and simple. It's not as easy as I used to think. I have problems connecting story ideas from my mind onto pen and paper, or even into pixels. Then, if I do get an idea rolling, I can't seem to connect point A to point B. I want things to happen, but can't seem  to make the jump from one scene to the next. Staying focused and on-task is another big issue. I want to be dedicated to at least on thing in this upcoming year (might as well make a resolution now, ahead of schedule than forget later) and if it's writing, that'd be great. I don't know if any of the ideas I have floating around will take off. Maybe even doing a joint-work with a friend, someone I can share ideas with, get a general feeling for how things work, make my own writing style... that would help a lot. My teachers, especially the drama teacher, says I have a knack for writing, yet I've barely wrote outside of required projects, and that irritates me. I want to make this a hobby, if not a possible career. It's just, I need a swift kick in the ass to get me going. Everyone's too busy with their goals and lives, and I can understand that. Even if I'm only writing for a half hour a day, that'd be a good start.

I guess I just need something to write about, and someone to help me. I'm not ready to try everything on my own yet. Life is long and I'm young, and there's plenty of time to kill today.

    This has no relevance to anything at all, I'm just going to type in anything and everything, so there's no structure to this. I found this survey thing on the internets.


Have you ever:
[ x] Gotten detention.
[ ] Gotten your phone taken away.
[x ] Gotten in school suspension.
[x ] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[ ] Talked too much and got kicked out of class.
[x] Got your mom/dad etc. to get you out of school.
[ ] Text people during class.
[x] Passed notes.
[x] Threw stuff across the room.
[x] Laughed at the teacher.
[ ] Pulled down the fire alarm.
[x] myspace, friendster, xanga, etc. on the computer at school.
[x] Took pictures during school hours.
[x] Called someone during school hours.
[x] Listened to an ipod/cd player/mp3 during class.
[ ] Threw something at the teacher.
[x] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[x] Broke the dress code. (I love my jester hats)
[x] Failed a class.
[x] Ate food during class.
[x] Ditched a program/assembly.
[ ] Got written down on your permanent record.
[x] Called out.
[x] Tried to open someone else's locker.
[x] Gotten a call home.
[x] Couldn't go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[x] Didn't take your stuff to school. (All too often.)
[x] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[ ] Stuck your middle finger at a teacher.
[x] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear.
[x] Slept in class.
[ ] Cursed at a teacher.
[x] Copied homework.
[x] Felt hungry during class and left to eat. (I used to go to the vending machine during English class, freshman year.)
[ ] Got into so many fights.
[ ] Gotten expelled.
[x] Had to spend lunch with a teacher.
[x] Been caught passing a note and had to read it in front of the class.
[x] Cheated on tests or essays/papers. (Thank you Katie for sitting next to me in class. Helped alot, I never read any of Glilgamesh and got a B on it.)
[x] Just left school in the middle of the day. (Just this wednesday)

I don't feel like writing anymore. People in my  house are yellin and whining and I want to get away from the room where it all takes place. Back to shelter!